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Intelligent, reasonable men of good will SHOULD be able to agree on things that matter.

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to
  one who is striking at the root."
- Henry David Thoreau
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Mainstream Astrophysicist Descriptions

A computer programmer's observations about Astrophysicists who claim that the EU has been thoroughly debunked:

  1. They are not composing their hypotheses with a full keyboard

  2. They probably have to sneak up on their computers to log in

  3. Their favorite game is science fiction fantasy BOGGLE

  4. Their Registry file is corrupted

  5. Their nested if statements are like Boolean swamps.

  6. Their brain processors don't recognize all the 1's in their binary numbers

  7. Their modems have higher baud ratings than they do

  8. Their flag doesn't wave on the reality pole

  9. Their SRS converts "sensible" into "sensational"

  10. Their disk drives have had too many foamy head crashes

  11. Their flowchart runs off the page

  12. Their hardware has loose connection nodes

  13. They need the "Help Menu" to get to the bathroom

  14. Their gravitas is like a tablet compared to a mainframe

  15. Their conception level is like punch cards compared to Solid State Drives

  16. Their conception level is like counting with fingers compared to floating point registers

  17. Their computer screen cursors blink in disbelief

What Don Rickles would say about astrophysicists:

  1. You can't question that their IQ is in double figures, though closer to a gymnastics score than a basketball game score.

  2. It is NOT true that when they all get up in the morning, their pillows fluff themselves up to erase the impression

  3. It IS true that their bar of soap in the shower tries to slip away when they use it

  4. It is NOT true that they're all as bowlegged as a used staple.

  5. They're all fine fellows; fine for holding the light bulb up to the socket while their friends spin them around

  6. It is NOT true that they all have to sneak up downwind on their bath water.

  7. It IS true that their deodorant spray has to be pressured to come out for them

  8. It is NOT true that their socks and shoes tremble in distaste every morning

  9. It is NOT true that they set their comb's teeth on edge

  10. They all maintain a professional attitude and smile because they can't think fast enough to say what they really think.

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